Your Guide to an Awesome Vegas Experience

Las Vegas: the place where dreams come true.  ish.  If your dream is to pose by wax figures of famous people, ride on moving sidewalks that go up and down hills, and pretend like you are in every different corner of the world in one night, then Vegas is your place.  Some may find LV to be a bit overwhelming and difficult to navigate; however, have no fear.  In three short minutes you will be very well educated and will be ready to face the Strip with minimal amounts of fear.

A few things to keep in mind:

1) Here is a very important phrase that you MUST memorize: Free is the Key.  Conveniently, it rhymes (thus aiding in your memorization).  In an attempt to rope people into casinos, Vegas offers a plethora of free things in which to participate.  If you are going with a group, have each member bring a small list of free things to do.  This will add a bit of surprise and spontaneity to the mix.

2) Consider your food choices.  McDonalds may very well become your BFF.  The dollar menu is difficult to beat, particularly the (refillable) soft drink.  In addition, block out a period of time in which you can hit up one of the (in)famous Las Vegas buffets.  Be careful on this one - don't get pulled into one of the fancy, expensive buffets.  The more time you block out for this endeavor, the better.  If you can stay for multiple meals, that is ideal.  Finally, bring snacks!  There is absolutely nothing wrong with slipping your favorite sandwich slash vegetables into your bag for consumption later on in the day.

3) Pictures, pictures, pictures.  It is very important to document each and every adventure you have in Vegas.  Chances are very high that you will encounter things there that you will not ever come across in future activities.  Documentation is key to proving that you did, in fact, hang out with the Blue Man Group or witness a "family friendly" pirate show.  If you are feeling especially awesome, bring along a compact tripod so as to capture photos of your whole group.  Finally, try to make it clear when you want to take pictures of the scenery, and not the people you are with.  Trust me, this will save you some awkwardness.

4) The Buddy System is always advisable.  While this is just a general life policy, it carries double importance when walking the Strip.  While most people are harmless, having a buddy around will lend the appropriate moral support needed to brave the crowds of people attempting to give you their "business cards."

5) Here is a tip that you will want to pay close attention to: parking is free at the hotels on the Strip.  Yes, that's right - FREE.  Refer to #1.  As you already know, if something is free, you must take advantage of it.  The entire Strip is roughly three miles long; meaning that in any given day you could easily walk the equivalent of 117 football fields.  Parking at a central location on the Strip is generally a great idea.

6) Pay very close attention to cab fares.  1/12 of a mile could easily be mistaken for 1/2 of a mile, which would increase the cost of your short ride exponentially.

7) Coupons are great.  An important lesson here: use discretion when seeking out coupons.  They are EVERYWHERE, but few are worth picking up off the curb.  Free ice cream and $5 off of a meal at Denny's are among those worthy of coupon hunting.

8) Embrace the free activities you do.  To be real, there will likely be events which do not quite measure up to your expectations.  It is important to remember, however, that the things you are doing are FREE.  In the end, free is free.  And free is awesome.  

9) Awkward moments are totally fine.  Own them.

There are many more specific lessons to be learned from the lovely Las Vegas, but these are the basics.  Above all, find a great group of people to explore with and be sure to document each and every free thing you will do.  You won't regret it in the end.

Things Everyone Should Learn

There are a number of things in life that are essential to learn.  The sooner these things are mastered, the better.

1) Spelling.  More specifically, understanding the differences between their, there, and they're and your and you're.  Here is a crash course: their refers to a group of people, there refers to a location, and they're is simply the shortened form of "they are."  Your refers to someone you are talking to, and you're is ONLY used when combining the words "you" and "are."  Done.

2) The art of planning.  This does not necessarily mean that one must know how to plan, but when.  It is important to realize that not everything must be planned.  In fact, there are numerous times in which spontaneity is much better than strict planning.  These times include things like road trips, late night adventures, and beach days.  Practice is key to this principle.  The more you work on planning vs. spontaneity, the better you will be at discerning when to do each.  

3) Telling time on a clock that has hands.  Digital clocks, while helpful, have essentially acted as a crutch to many youth today.  You never know when you will be in a room that has only a clock with hands, and it can be quite embarrassing if someone asks you the time and you have to spend a solid 8 seconds studying the clock before you can answer with certainty.  Much better to just take the time to perfect the art of telling time.

4) Appreciating silence.  At times it may seem that there is a very fine line between silence and awkwardness.  To this, I say embrace the silence.  Silence is golden.  Gold is valuable.  Therefore, according to the transitive property, silence is valuable.  Something is only awkward if you act awkward about it.  I cannot stress this point strongly enough.  If you know that you are an awkward person in general, do not dwell on it.  Accept it and move on.

5) Driving stick shift.  I realize that this one may cause some controversy, but I strongly believe that learning to drive a manual car is essential for life.  One never knows when a situation will arise in which there is an emergency that requires driving and the only car available is a stick shift.  Yes, this may seem like an incredibly unlikely scenario, but believe me when I say that anything is possible.

6) Correct usage of leggings.  Ladies, this one is aimed at you.  If you are a guy (but if we're being honest here, the chances of a guy actually reading this are quite slim), then the policy is simple: don't wear leggings.  Girls, leggings are meant to be worn under something.  Only wear leggings with something that you would also wear without them.  This sentence may be a tad confusing, so let me illustrate with an example.  If you are pairing your leggings with a skirt, you should also feel comfortable wearing that skirt without the leggings.  If you are wearing the leggings with nothing, then you better be darn comfortable wandering around with nothing on at all.  I personally learned this policy from an incredibly reputable source, so it is sound.  

7) Apostrophe usage.  While related to #1, this policy deserves its own spot because it is quite important.  Only use an apostrophe in a word that is a contraction (apostrophe is placed where the letters are missing), or in a word that is showing possession.  If something is plural, it does not need an apostrophe.  Just slap that "s" on the end and call it good.  *Discerning between its and it's is often a trouble spot.  Just keep this in mind: it's is only used in places where one wants to say it is.  Otherwise, stick with its.

These things will increase the quality of your life exponentially.  While most may seem insignificant, all are policies that will increase your overall happiness and joy in life.